When I was 5 years old my Indonesian helper got possessed and chased after me and my younger sister with a chopper. I have been stalked before and during a five-year period, was attacked by different men each year. I was my happiest and fittest then, full of dreams and ambition. It is why I have been scared to be happy and rise into my own power again as I am afraid of the terrible ways it could be taken away from me. I tried to kill myself several times after that but each time I was saved miraculously. My upbringing and the deep shame meant most people had no idea I was going through a daily hell. Ironically everyone thought I was a happy, carefree, confident and outgoing person. I started surviving by expressing myself more creatively, connecting more with all forms of artistic expression and believing in higher powers beyond the physical human existence. My interest in the arts blossomed even more after all these experiences and I saw how they had the power to transmute our shadows towards a more healing energy and a sense of the larger things beyond you and it reminded you of beauty. My writing developed more complexity than before as now I was facing my shadows and having the courage to process them. I have been healing myself over the years and now am grateful for these experiences as I have helped other survivors and can look them in the eyes and actually say, "I truly understand you." and offer ways to support and to empower them with more self-love. Now I am ready to rise again and telling this story this time, after having made steady progress towards healing by loving myself more, is deeply empowering. As 1 in 5 females are attacked each year, 99% by a male they know and often trust, I know that someone reading this will receive comfort. There is no shame, don't blame yourself, don't let them take away your power. You are beautiful, you are loved, you are loveable, you are safe to be who you truly are and you are love. Thank you Nicola for giving me a safe space to share part of my life's story.