I get told how lucky I am

To others my life looks amazing, that I have it all. A healthy family, a hardworking husband, a home, nice things, financial freedom. I get told how lucky I am and I am lucky in many ways. The truth is that I am ungrateful. I expect more, I'm never satisfied. I am lazy. I stopped trying and started expecting everything to happen without putting in my part. I have driven my husband away and now he may want to divorce me.

I've finally realised the faults and issues about myself, I've realised why I've been that way, how I've allowed issues from my past to haunt me and cause me to destroy my own happiness. But have I realised this too late? And I've learned he has secrets too. Secrets that I may never know the full truth of. Secrets that rip my heart apart.

Despite my issues and his issues, I now know that there's nothing more in the world I want than to work it all out and find our happy place again, but it might be too late.