My feelings were hurt by being treated like an outsider

This is an anonymous story collected from the public as part of the Human Archive Project

Sometimes I find it difficult to make real connections to people. I have lived in a rural area where my son attended a local school. But because of his autism it was difficult to meet people who understood. My feelings were hurt by being treated like an outsider. This was a time in life that I felt very lonely. Thankfully things have changed and I am more positive about things working out for my son. Family Carers Ireland and choir mean that I am less isolated and alone now. But I do have concerns about living in the countryside when I get older as there is poor infrastructure/supports etc.

I was discovered to be a taboo in my home country

This is an anonymous story collected from the public as part of the Human Archive Project

My name is Precious, an LGBT 24 year old lady currently living in direct provision. I made plans to relocate to Ireland 2018 as I was discovered to be a taboo in my home country, Nigeria. On getting to direct provision I was tossed in a room with other africans who are steady judging me. To live or not to live is now the question as I took Africa with me to Ireland and will never let me be free truly.

It marked me forever, being different

This is an anonymous story collected from the public as part of the Human Archive Project

I crossed borders literally and metaphorically. Before EU my biggest fear was immigration police. I have encountered them and I had luck not to get into trouble on multiple occasions. But it haunted me in everything I did, it marked me forever, being different, not being allowed to do things as non national, as an alien. I made the journey to change my life and I did, but fear always followed. Being told' this is my country' by a native, being told I cannot do certain things because of an accent marked my psyche.

All I can see is shadows of past dreams and windows gloating at me

This is an anonymous story collected from the public as part of the Human Archive Project

I was once sure of what I wanted, when I was a child. But as I grew up, I realised my options grew with me too. So I tried to narrow them down to a few routes. And I started walking on those routes. And so, I walked and walked even as the ground started to feel more bumpy and I started regretting and doubting. Was it because, I really wasn't as good as I thought? Why did I feel stumped the more further away I went and my shoulders heavier with the weight of doubt and insecurity?

When I was young, whenever I felt downtrodden by my failures, somehow I had the drive to go on. In the past, things were clearer to me, which road I would take and not look back. But now, I look down and the road has stopped. Countless times, I have looked back, unsure of my decisions. Now I am blocked by my own fear. I see people far away, achieving greater things yet they are so much younger than me. I know it doesn't actually matter the age as long as you keep trying, but with each tick-tocking, I feel rushed. Rushed to not disappoint my younger self, to reach somewhere, to achieve something. As the time passes, the sound grows louder and faster. And yet, I find myself on a standstill. Turning back from where I am, I no longer know where I want to go, the directions in my mind are a jumbled mess. What am I going to do now? The roads are no longer clear to me. All I can see is shadows of past dreams and windows gloating at me , the success that seems unreachable, that I didn't try hard enough. That I wouldn't make it anywhere. That I am nothing. So I close my eyes and try to sleep these feelings away.